lost again

the girl decided to text the man to see if he would respond to the simple and devastating comment, “i miss you.” it was at that moment she realized it was not the loss of the wallet she was mourning, it was losing the last piece of him she could hold close every day. stroking the soft leather had been the only remaining physical connection to this person whom she had loved, still loved, more than anyone or anything in the world...she had lost the other half of her soul. the tears filled her eyes and streamed down her face onto the pavement. the grief had never ended, it was just beginning.


I am not sure who I am trying to prove what to and why. I only know that you are gone. You were anti­hipster, a mantra, the entire world, and a song. While I was searching you were with me all along. It comes in waves, the pain of losing you. I refuse to accept your absence as a clue. There is almost nothing in my life I would not undo. Except the moments I spent meeting, fighting with, or making up with you. You ask why? I ask why not? You tell me I am cruel, but there is a part of my soul you forgot. I know the parts of you that you are blind to. They are the parts that have always drawn me to you. I am a glutton for punishment, what more can I say? You wouldn’t have loved me any other way. You were my favorite person, my best friend in the world. Unfortunately, you forgot I am still just a girl.

hotel beacon, nyc

over six months since i saw you,

just one call and my heart broke.

soon after i quit saying, "boo,"

after may we never spoke.

my rebound didn't love me,

he tore my heart in two.

breaking off was just too easy

because he wasn't you.

p bounded in to save my heart--

it couldn't possibly be true.

one day i might be someone's wife,

loving spouse with children too.


turning on me he barred his teeth,

and at that time killed my belief.

my life will never be the same.

the fault's within my damaged brain.

it hurts because i know it's true:

it was always me

        ---never you. 

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